he shaved USA in his pubs
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
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