I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
Everclear isn't food dammit
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Randomize
