glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
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