we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
Randomize
