Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
