at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
Shame - the story of my life.
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