dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
Randomize
