I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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