My girlfriend figured out who you are.
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
