found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
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