So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
Randomize
