I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Randomize
