i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
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