I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
