I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
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