I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
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