I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
