His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
Randomize
