I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize
