I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
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