Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
Randomize
