in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Randomize
