i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
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