Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
I'm getting married
To pizza
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
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