remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
