if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
