after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
