Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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