A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
I love you. Go after that dick
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
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