She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
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