Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Randomize
