i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
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