he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
Randomize
