it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
