**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
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