I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
Randomize
