this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Randomize
