i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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