Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
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