How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
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