It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Randomize
