i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
