im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
