literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
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