census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Randomize
