Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
This toilet bowl is my home.
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