I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
