hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
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