I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize
