me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Randomize
