so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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