Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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