Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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