he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
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