PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
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