I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize
