I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
