I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
ttyl tear gas
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
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