I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
You pole danced in your parka.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
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