i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
