I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
