I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
