I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
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