champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
