do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
